Shit I've Learned

[Oedipussy Rex]

12) "Does a bear shit in the woods?" is no longer the rhetorical question it used to be.
12a) For a few decades, now, people who care about such things have noticed a great increase in fungal diseases attacking the flora in the forests of the 'Murican Northwest (Oregon, Washington, whatever it is up in the hinterlands known as Canada), and for a few decades, now, scientists had no idea why beyond "climate change, maybe." Then someone looked at the bigger picture of the timeline and realized it was a result of all the dams.
12b) Because of all the dams, the salmon aren't swimming as far upstream as they used to. Because salmon aren't around, the bears are either going to where the salmon are, or they aren't eating salmon. As a result, the nutrients that salmon are full of from living in the deep ocean, iodine in particular, aren't being carried inland to be eaten by bears, who then, in turn, help inoculate the land against fungal diseases by shitting in the woods.

[Oedipussy Rex]

13) Don't take candy from strangers.
13a) Even if they have a fluffy bunny that you can pet.
13b) Especially if the fluffy bunny is in the back of a panel van.

[Oedipussy Rex]

14) Three yards of soil doesn't look like three yards of soil when it's sitting in the driveway at 9:00 in the morning.
14a) Oh, it looks like a lot of soil. It just doesn't look like what one would imagine 81 cubic feet of soil would look like.
14b) You know what does look like three yards of soil? That last half-yard of soil still sitting in the driveway eight hours later when the sun has dropped below the treeline; the wind has picked up, presaging a week of rain and snow and freezing temperatures; with muscles and joints aching from shoveling two-and-a-half yards of soil into a wheelbarrow, rolling that heavy, soil-laden wheelbarrow over soft, muddy ground made worse by the voles tunneling under it, emptying the the wheelbarrow, then raking the soil into place, just to take the empty wheelbarrow back to the slowly shrinking pile of soil to start the process over again. That last half yard of soil that you know you have to move now, even though you just want to take a hot shower then crawl into bed to sleep. That relatively small, half yard of soil looks like three yards.